Ok, so the back-story for my peevishness starts way back a week before Easter. Mom is of course in full-on mourning that her crazy anthropologist daughter has once again trekked off to some god-forsaken backwater place. So of course, like a good mother, takes matters into her own hands and packs up all of the things that I have been sorely missing in Paraguay (viz., one of my beloved professional knives--I've been using a steak knife for just about everything; allergy medicine; my guarani flashcards that I stupidly forgot in at home; some potent sunscreen; three t-shirts; lovely smelling soap; and a tasty chocolate easter bunny packed in on top of all the odds and ends). So off it goes via DHL about a week before Easter, scheduled for delivery within 4 days to the DHL office in downtown Ciudad del Este to be held at the office for pickup. Splendid! The darn thing cost an obscene amount of money to ship since it was expedited international shipping, but was supposed to arrive before Easter. Needless to say, I was awaiting my chocolate easter bunny with eager anticipation.
So, went to DHL the Saturday before easter to fetch my package. And was dismayed to find the DHL office completely locked down, shut tights, and closed for the Easter holiday. Semana Santa here is a *big* deal, but I was surprised that DHL was closed since every other business downtown was open. Disappointed that I wouldn't have my easter bunny in time for Easter (Pesach was behind me, so time to celebrate new testament!), I decided to wait for DHL to call so as to not make futile trips downtown, which is a bit of a hassle. Finally on Tuesday I get a call from DHL notifying me that a package for me had arrived at the Paraguayan customs office at the international airport in Asunción, and would I like DHL to send me an estimate of the customs fees to dispatch it from customs to the office in Ciudad del Este. And I replied of course, please email me the estimate and I will pay all the fees from the local office in CdE. About a half hour later, the following pdf arrived in my inbox (click to enlarge, if you so desire):
And my eyes nearly popped out of my head when I finished reading the entire thing. Essentially, they wanted to charge me $426.36 to get my package out of limbo at the customs office. WHAT??? Looking at the thing a bit more closely, I realized that mom had insured the package for a *lot* ($700...thinking that if it got lost or stolen, which seemed like a reasonable possibility given the paraguayan mail system, it would be nice to get the money back). But the customs agents saw $700 and decided to go wild. Some of the items are completely insane...and wrong. The 13% IVA (value added) tax, even if it were imposed on the $700, would come out to something around $99...not the $124 that they have on the estimate. And $10 for photocopies? And another $80 in random fees and taxes? Gulp! I don't know of any country in the WORLD that charges over 60% of the value of a package for personal consumption. My poor easter bunny! So I called mom and told her there was no way I had the money to "liberate" (as they say here) my package. She talked me out of sending it back to the US...which would have been really sad, especially since she had already spent a small fortune on shipping. So thought about what to do. And concluded that DHL must be in cahoots with paraguayan customs, otherwise they wouldn't send me this ridiculous bill. Which means they probably were going to split the profits from the obscene fees they wanted to charge me. So I sent DHL an email saying pretty much that, and asked them how they were going to "solucionar este problema"--how are you going to fix this? And the woman on the other end of "asuncion formal imports, DHL.py" got an earful from me...and grudgingly agreed to ask the paraguayan customs office to process the package through an "expediated process"....which "is usually reserved for packages valued at less than $500, but I'll see what I can do." And I waited. And waited. And waaaaited. And thought about how tasty my easter bunny was going to be. Until finally on Tuesday (almost a week later) the following estimate showed up in my email inbox:
Notice the kooky math once again. How they came up with $165.78 I'll never know (especially since the AEC taxes for $191 still appears on the top line, but nowhere else on the estimate.) And where they came up with $116.71 for "Customs dispatch services and administrative taxes" is a complete mystery. But while still outrageous, $165 is *far* more manageable than the original $426.So clearly once I put up a fight, the customs office was like, "ok, I guess we can't *patently lie* to this one and ask her to pay whatever. Darn, I was going to go on holiday." Stunning. But today I finally managed to get my box, for which I was all the more grateful after the concerted haggling that it took to get it. Oh easter bunny! Oh tasty delight! Huzzah!
AND, I think this would have been less of a cause for anguish if I hadn't been simultaneously trying to purchase a car at the same time. ¡Dios mío! What an ordeal! So...Paraguay is the #1 recipient of used cars in Latin America...which makes it (1) a great place to launder stolen cars and (2) a wonderful opportunity of the obviously upstanding and professional customs agents of paraguay to get massive kickbacks in exchange for doctoring paperwork. All that's to say, finding a car with actual, for real, legal title is well near impossible unless you are buying a "0 km" vehicle off the lot...well out of my price range, of course. Titles range from no title or doctored paperwork that doesn't match up with VIN numbers and whatnot (illegal) to "brown titles" that are only recognized within the borders of Paraguay, to F-18 titles that have some proof that the car was not reported stolen and is what it claims to be (at least in countries that are part of the southern cone common economic market Mercosur), to F-20 titles where the car has been properly "nationalized" in Paraguay, to *finally* green titles that are legal 'here, there and everywhere.' It's important to have a green title to cross the border to Brazil...otherwise the Brazilians (who are a bit more on the ball with rules and regulations) can impound the vehicle. Bad news. Also important to have a green title because in Paraguay, if you get stopped by Paraguayan police (who are rather less on the ball) they usually will ask for a hefty bribe if your paperwork isn't in order. So looked high and low for a cheap used little car to putter out to my meeting with FUPA borrowers. But the thing had to be in semi-good working order especially since Paraguayan roads are notoriously dodgy. In addition to the vast stretches of cobbled roads, Ciudad del Este is especially notorious for it's home-grown speed bumps. In order to prevent insane drivers blasting by at 80km an hour, any road that is actually paved soon sprouts speed bumps or large dug-out trenches cobbled together by neighbors that live on that street and are bothered by the traffic. So while most road systems are constructed to facilitate the movement from one place to another as safely and quickly as possible...everything about Paraguay's road system seems aimed at frustrating both of those goals.
Ok...so looking for a car that is (1) legal and (2) runs (3) costs less than $2,000. Harder than you might suspect. So *finally* found a car and made the legal transfer at the notary today. ¡Que gusto! Here 'tis, my new (used) ride: 1973 "fusca" (portugese word for volkswagen). Complete with green title!
And p.s., got the thumbs up from my dissertation adviser to start work on a side-project on value, mobility and sovereignty at the border using stolen cars as my empirical case study. Next up, interviews with all of those lovely customs officials that had their claws on my package for three weeks!
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